Suburban Underground Vadders

The Home of the Porcelain God Mox, Pretty Vacant and I made plans one early spring weekend to go to East Texas and meet up with Noah Vale and Dirtbag who were coming from Dallas and another fellow explorer who said he had legal access to a partially abandoned mental hospital. We were excited to take a road trip and check this place out so we left at around 4am Saturday morning so we could get there at something like 9am when we were supposed to meet up with him. We were about 4 hours into the trip and about 30 minutes away from our destination when we got a phone call from our host. It was bad news. What he said is not exactly important but the result was that our trip would have to be cancelled due to State Special Investigators investigating a problem at the active part of the hospital. Doh! We continued driving as we were trying to decide what we were going to do now. We called Noah Vale and Dirtbag to try to make a decision on what we were going to do. They were behind schedule and hadn’t left Dallas yet so we figured we might meet up with them in Dallas and find something to explore there instead. Just then as we were driving down the highway, out the right hand side we saw a sprawling industrial complex that had a strangely familiar look to it. “Noah, I think we’ve found something… let me give you a call back.” I said. We turned around and parked on the other side of the highway in a restaurant parking lot. It was still only about 8 or 8:30 am so there was almost nobody around. I called Noah back and told him that we were going to check this place out and let him know what was up. The closer we got to this place the more it became evident that it was not currently in use. After the first few minutes of super-heightened awareness of every sound and movement, we finally came to the conclusion that nobody had seen us and nobody was around. There was lots and lots of stuff lying around so we were still not completely certain until we started to see broken glass and stuff you wouldn’t find in an active place. So we started to try to find out what this place was. Not long after we came upon this: You could see the golden morning light pouring through the windows and into… wait a second… that’s a lot of… there must be hundreds!!! They were everywhere in this room. Pallets and pallets full of finished and ready to be put together toilets, all in perfect condition aside from a layer of dust. The pallets in the background have nothing on them but toilet lids. We found ourselves in the heart of the beast – the place where they were made… The lavatory, water closet, john, throne, latrine, can, pot, potty, privy, shitter, commode, comfort station, yes – the toilet! After closer inspection of the other rooms we came to find that sinks and urinals and pretty much anything else made of porcelain was made here. This was the very home of the Porcelain God. So we set out to pay tribute and find out for ourselves just how toilets are made. HOME NEXT